Post by: Ken on October 04, 2015, 06:35:51 AM
Post by: Skhilled on October 04, 2015, 01:16:58 PM
Post by: Ken on October 06, 2015, 08:01:21 PM
Post by: Skhilled on October 07, 2015, 08:16:09 AM
Post by: Ken on October 26, 2015, 05:40:00 AM
Post by: Skhilled on October 26, 2015, 08:48:36 AM
Post by: Ken on October 27, 2015, 08:22:55 AM
Post by: Skhilled on October 27, 2015, 08:38:07 AM
Post by: Ken on October 29, 2015, 06:58:17 AM
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'
Read more: http://www.ajokeaday.com/ChisteDelDia.asp#ixzz3pxAVjgVy
Post by: Skhilled on October 30, 2015, 09:12:24 AM
Post by: Ken on November 02, 2015, 05:08:46 AM
The teacher says, Why are you arguing?
One boy answers,
We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
Post by: Skhilled on November 02, 2015, 07:57:03 AM
Post by: Ken on November 02, 2015, 09:08:15 AM
Even Lealer loved that one! LOL:thumbup:
Post by: Ken on November 03, 2015, 10:09:43 AM
Lingus flight from Dublin, the lead flight attendant nervously made the
following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has
been a terrible mix-up... one minute prior to take-off, by our catering
service..., I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers
on board, and..., unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals... I
truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.”
When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued..., "Anyone who is
kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat, will
receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 4 hour flight.”
Her next announcement came about 2 hours later... "If anyone would like to
change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available."
Read more: http://www.ajokeaday.com/LosUltimosChistes.asp#ixzz3qRONf7k5
Post by: Skhilled on November 04, 2015, 08:55:39 AM
Post by: Ken on November 12, 2015, 08:39:45 AM
I just sat down on the toilet when I heard a voice coming from the stall next to mine, “Hey! How’s it going?” Although I was quite surprised, and I wasn’t in the habit of conversing to the people next to me in the stall, I nevertheless answered him, “I’m fine” I said “thanks for asking.”
“What are you doing?” Asked the same voice. To be honest I was a bit taken aback by the brazenness of this fellow, but I would never ignore anyone so I calmly answered, “I’m releaving myself.”
Then I heard the same voice again, “I’m going to have to call you back, some smart-aleck is answering all of my questions.”
Read more: Rest Stop Joke - Funny Stories http://www.greatcleanjokes.com/5144/rest-stop-joke/#ixzz3rHfE86dG
Post by: Skhilled on November 12, 2015, 08:52:20 AM
Post by: Ken on November 23, 2015, 12:32:13 PM
Me is the same as all of these! shocked003
Post by: Skhilled on November 24, 2015, 08:52:25 AM
Post by: Skhilled on January 29, 2016, 11:16:41 AM
You don't know you're dead.
It's only difficult for others.
It's the same when you're stupid...
Post by: Ken on January 29, 2016, 01:37:05 PM
It's the same when you're stupid...
laughing7
Post by: Maxx on January 31, 2016, 02:22:05 PM
If you got injured at work? Just call and get us! :)
regards,
Maxx
Post by: Ken on October 30, 2017, 12:30:49 PM
Post by: Ken on October 30, 2017, 12:54:09 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2017/10/30/KVbS.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/image/KVbS)
Post by: Ken on October 30, 2017, 12:56:53 PM
Post by: Skhilled on October 31, 2017, 08:00:55 AM
Post by: Ken on December 05, 2017, 02:05:40 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2017/12/05/Wvf0.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/Wvf0)
Post by: Skhilled on December 06, 2017, 07:16:49 AM
Post by: Ken on March 06, 2018, 05:18:08 PM
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?â€
She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?â€
“Lecturer,†she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.â€
“Really?†he said. “And what kind of myths are there?â€
“Well,†she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.â€
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,†she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.â€
“Tonto,†the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".
Post by: Skhilled on March 09, 2018, 07:25:53 PM
I haven't heard that one in ages!!! I think I had it on one of my sites at one time or another. LOL
Post by: Ken on March 12, 2018, 08:58:03 AM
Post by: Skhilled on March 12, 2018, 09:18:33 AM
Post by: Ken on March 20, 2018, 07:32:15 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/03/20/gILX.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/gILX)
Post by: Ken on March 20, 2018, 07:39:46 PM
Post by: Skhilled on March 21, 2018, 12:52:12 AM
Post by: Ken on March 21, 2018, 07:29:43 AM
Post by: Skhilled on March 22, 2018, 02:22:43 AM
Post by: Ken on March 25, 2018, 11:09:24 AM
Post by: Ken on March 25, 2018, 11:30:19 AM
Quote
WAR OF 1812 AT WALMART
Yesterday, I wore my Vietnam Veteran cap to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but, since I retired, I took trips to "Wally World" to look at the Walmartians which is always good for some comic relief.
Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment. But, I digress, enough of my psychological fixations.
While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Viet Nam Vet?"
"No," I replied.
"Then why are you wearing that cap?"
"Because I couldn't find the one from the War of 1812 . . ."
I thought it was a snappy retort.
"The War of 1812, huh?" the Walmartian queried, "When was that?"
God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1946", I answered, as straight-faced as possible.
He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1946?"
"It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to become fun!
"Dude! Really?" He exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission."
"Dude," he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is seriously awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?"
"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage."
The moron nodded knowingly.
"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still 'top secret' and I shouldn't have said anything."
"Oh yeah?" he gave me the 'don't threaten me look.'
"Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"
With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them, would we?"
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door. The lady behind me started laughing so hard I thought she was about to have a heart attack. I just grinned at her.
After checking out and going to the parking lot, I saw dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman.
Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction.
Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the 'I see you' gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.
What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back, wearing my Homeland Security cap.
Then the next day I will go to the driver's license bureau wearing my Border Patrol hat, and see how long it takes to empty the place.
Whoever said retirement is boring? You just need to wear the right kind of cap!
See you guys at Walmart!!
Post by: Skhilled on March 26, 2018, 07:49:21 AM
Post by: Ken on March 31, 2018, 09:12:15 PM
Post by: Ken on April 01, 2018, 11:41:41 AM
Post by: Skhilled on April 02, 2018, 09:19:36 AM
Post by: Ken on July 09, 2018, 04:11:31 PM
Post by: Skhilled on July 10, 2018, 07:34:18 AM
Post by: Ken on July 21, 2018, 03:33:45 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/07/21/ON5H9.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/ON5H9)
Post by: Skhilled on July 22, 2018, 01:36:54 PM
Post by: Ken on July 24, 2018, 08:02:32 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/07/25/O1HOX.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/O1HOX)
Post by: Skhilled on July 25, 2018, 08:18:33 AM
Post by: Ken on August 01, 2018, 12:12:59 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/08/01/O3w7w.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/O3w7w)
Post by: Skhilled on August 02, 2018, 10:40:54 AM
Post by: Ken on August 07, 2018, 12:46:23 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/08/07/asPqJ.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/asPqJ)
Post by: Skhilled on August 08, 2018, 07:48:41 AM
Post by: Skhilled on August 09, 2018, 08:05:34 AM
Post by: Ken on August 09, 2018, 11:07:03 AM
Post by: Ken on August 10, 2018, 10:15:39 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/08/11/aejaN.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/aejaN)
Post by: Ken on August 10, 2018, 10:20:59 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/08/11/aesJA.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/aesJA)
Post by: Skhilled on August 12, 2018, 06:28:55 AM
:o
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/08/11/aejaN.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/aejaN)
If men would learn "HOW" to listen. LOL
:thumbup:
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/08/11/aesJA.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/aesJA)
They look like they might be related...
Post by: Ken on August 12, 2018, 11:58:32 AM
Post by: Ken on August 13, 2018, 09:31:06 AM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/08/13/aI96o.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/aI96o)
Post by: Skhilled on August 14, 2018, 07:41:51 AM
Post by: Ken on August 15, 2018, 08:39:57 AM
Post by: Skhilled on August 15, 2018, 09:11:23 AM
Post by: Ken on August 16, 2018, 10:50:58 AM
Post by: Ken on August 16, 2018, 09:21:39 PM
Post by: Ken on August 18, 2018, 09:29:26 AM
Post by: Skhilled on August 18, 2018, 05:43:37 PM
Post by: Ken on August 22, 2018, 08:27:23 AM
Post by: Skhilled on August 22, 2018, 08:36:05 AM
Post by: Ken on August 31, 2018, 02:47:19 PM
Post by: Skhilled on September 02, 2018, 09:52:22 AM
Post by: Ken on September 11, 2018, 06:32:40 AM
https://dammitdolls.com/Home
Post by: Ken on September 26, 2018, 11:51:01 AM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/09/26/yh4Nh.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/yh4Nh)
Post by: Ken on September 30, 2018, 10:15:38 AM
... I found this on some other site. :azn:
There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, “As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do
what you’ve wished to do the most.â€
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, “Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?â€
He asks her. “Shall we?â€
She eagerly replies, “Oh, yes, let’s! But let’s change positions. This time, I’ll hold the pigeon down, and you shit on its head.â€
Post by: Ken on September 30, 2018, 10:27:06 AM
Especially if out hunting Moose, they can get bold:
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/09/30/ymgrA.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/ymgrA)
Post by: Skhilled on October 01, 2018, 08:39:09 AM
Post by: Ken on October 04, 2018, 10:30:40 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/10/05/ykgPL.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/ykgPL)
Post by: Skhilled on October 05, 2018, 08:46:28 AM
Post by: Ken on October 06, 2018, 06:40:35 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/10/06/yJl84.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/yJl84)
Post by: Skhilled on October 07, 2018, 06:40:13 AM
Post by: Lesmond on October 07, 2018, 07:10:33 AM
Post by: Ken on October 07, 2018, 08:37:08 AM
Post by: Skhilled on October 07, 2018, 09:01:50 AM
Post by: Ken on November 12, 2018, 04:43:54 PM
Old Lady With A Bag Full Of Cash Was Questioned By The Police – Her Explanation Is Priceless
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.â€
“Oh, really? Darn it!†said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
“Well, now, not so fast,†said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?â€
“Oh, no, noâ€, said the old lady. “You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course.
A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Remove the flowers, you know. Then I thought, ‘why not make the best of it?
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.
Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.’
“Well, that seems only fair,†said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?â€
“Not everybody pays.â€
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/11/12/y8nK4.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/y8nK4)
Post by: Ken on November 12, 2018, 08:34:03 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/11/13/yUigV.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/yUigV)
Post by: Ken on November 13, 2018, 08:47:30 AM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/11/13/yUui9.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/yUui9)
Post by: Ken on December 22, 2018, 02:54:38 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2018/12/22/jGhc3.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/jGhc3)
Post by: Skhilled on December 22, 2018, 07:09:22 PM
Post by: Ken on January 08, 2019, 06:51:33 PM
Post by: Skhilled on January 10, 2019, 08:17:23 AM
Post by: Ken on January 12, 2019, 08:59:22 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/01/13/jjD0b.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/jjD0b)
Post by: Skhilled on January 13, 2019, 07:34:23 AM
Post by: Ken on January 23, 2019, 05:10:43 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/01/23/jBIDq.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/jBIDq)
Post by: Ken on January 23, 2019, 05:12:31 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/01/23/jBYRL.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/jBYRL)
Post by: Ken on January 27, 2019, 04:59:28 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/01/27/jPlw9.md.png) (https://tinypix.top/i/jPlw9)
Post by: Skhilled on February 04, 2019, 05:01:19 AM
Post by: Ken on February 04, 2019, 03:03:26 PM
Post by: Ken on February 09, 2019, 02:23:41 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/02/09/jS7Xg.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/jS7Xg)
Post by: Ken on February 09, 2019, 02:53:26 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/02/09/jSW3F.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/jSW3F)
Post by: Ken on February 18, 2019, 03:08:33 PM
... found this over on WuB.
Butch the "Rooster"
Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. She kept records
and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could
tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report just by listening to the bells.
Sarah's favourite rooster; old Butch, was a fine specimen but, this morning, she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she
went to investigate; she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Sarah's amazement; old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet; do his job, and walk on to
the next one.
Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize", they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards
on the planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
Vote carefully in the next election: You can't always hear the bells.
... actually, this may be more real than we think! :o
Post by: Skhilled on February 19, 2019, 08:06:01 AM
Post by: Ken on March 24, 2019, 06:29:28 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/03/24/jp2RO.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/jp2RO)
Post by: Skhilled on March 25, 2019, 07:17:00 AM
Post by: Ken on March 25, 2019, 08:10:35 AM
LMAO! My grandfather loved watching Bob Ross.
I heard something about his old re-runs doing really good now.
Post by: Skhilled on March 28, 2019, 10:40:37 AM
Post by: Ken on March 28, 2019, 11:18:31 AM
Post by: Ken on March 29, 2019, 08:45:51 PM
Post by: Ken on March 31, 2019, 07:14:48 AM
Post by: Ken on April 01, 2019, 04:07:45 AM
Post by: Ken on April 01, 2019, 04:12:58 AM
Post by: Ken on April 02, 2019, 07:51:31 AM
Post by: Ken on April 03, 2019, 07:33:36 AM
Post by: Skhilled on April 05, 2019, 10:03:33 AM
Post by: Ken on April 09, 2019, 05:05:52 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/04/09/j2hx5.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/j2hx5)
Post by: Skhilled on April 10, 2019, 08:34:55 AM
Post by: Ken on April 11, 2019, 08:07:37 AM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/04/11/j6FVb.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/j6FVb)
Post by: Skhilled on April 11, 2019, 08:44:13 AM
Post by: Ken on April 16, 2019, 12:05:27 PM
Post by: Skhilled on April 18, 2019, 08:54:05 AM
Post by: Ken on April 19, 2019, 09:13:51 PM
Post by: Skhilled on April 20, 2019, 06:47:06 AM
Post by: Ken on April 21, 2019, 01:23:12 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/04/21/jrNxq.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/jrNxq)
Post by: Ken on April 27, 2019, 07:47:05 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/04/28/jkC73.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/jkC73)
Post by: Ken on April 28, 2019, 08:35:22 AM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/04/28/jJsnq.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/jJsnq)
Post by: Ken on May 22, 2019, 01:14:05 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/05/22/j33mz.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/j33mz)
Post by: Skhilled on May 23, 2019, 09:46:29 AM
Post by: Ken on May 23, 2019, 01:35:01 PM
I need to put that on a tshirt! LOLlaughing7
Post by: Lesmond on May 25, 2019, 07:20:04 AM
Post by: Ken on May 28, 2019, 01:14:02 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/05/28/jRfj5.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/jRfj5)
Post by: Ken on June 04, 2019, 11:38:49 AM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/06/04/qFRJX.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/qFRJX)
Post by: Skhilled on June 06, 2019, 10:27:32 AM
Post by: Ken on June 06, 2019, 10:54:48 AM
Post by: Ken on June 07, 2019, 09:06:00 AM
Post by: Skhilled on June 08, 2019, 10:42:23 AM
Post by: Ken on June 11, 2019, 05:35:28 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/06/11/qyuMI.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/qyuMI)
Post by: Skhilled on June 12, 2019, 07:10:12 AM
Post by: Ken on June 24, 2019, 08:22:13 AM
Post by: Skhilled on June 24, 2019, 09:08:24 AM
Post by: Ken on July 03, 2019, 10:41:31 AM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/07/03/qfewb.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/qfewb)
Post by: Lesmond on July 04, 2019, 12:35:12 PM
Post by: Ken on July 04, 2019, 01:01:05 PM
Post by: Ken on July 09, 2019, 05:02:34 PM
Post by: Skhilled on July 09, 2019, 06:18:48 PM
Post by: Ken on July 09, 2019, 09:29:46 PM
But she's TOO CUTE!!!
laughing7
Post by: Ken on July 10, 2019, 10:56:26 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/07/11/qvCyX.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/qvCyX)
Post by: Skhilled on July 11, 2019, 06:08:19 AM
Post by: Ken on July 12, 2019, 08:09:53 AM
Post by: Skhilled on July 12, 2019, 09:26:24 PM
Post by: Ken on July 15, 2019, 06:07:03 AM
Post by: Ken on July 19, 2019, 09:33:16 AM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/07/19/qKsWL.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/qKsWL)
Post by: Skhilled on July 19, 2019, 09:44:52 AM
Post by: Skhilled on July 19, 2019, 09:48:06 AM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/06/24/qBDAy.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/qBDAy)
I showed this to Christina and she said that how she felt when she was trying to help her Grandmother with her cell phone! LOL
Post by: Ken on July 19, 2019, 09:49:32 AM
Post by: Skhilled on July 19, 2019, 10:02:35 AM
You'd just have to meet her GM. Nobody likes her...including her own children. :disturbed:
Post by: Ken on July 23, 2019, 02:16:32 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/07/23/qX2rH.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/qX2rH)
Post by: Ken on July 23, 2019, 02:47:33 PM
Post by: Ken on July 24, 2019, 10:30:24 AM
Post by: Skhilled on July 25, 2019, 07:23:03 AM
Post by: Ken on July 26, 2019, 11:53:34 AM
Post by: Skhilled on July 26, 2019, 01:40:25 PM
Post by: Ken on July 27, 2019, 10:13:44 PM
Post by: Skhilled on July 28, 2019, 08:01:58 AM
Post by: Ken on July 29, 2019, 09:34:35 PM
Post by: Ken on August 02, 2019, 05:32:36 PM
Post by: Ken on August 08, 2019, 09:19:56 PM
Post by: Ken on August 11, 2019, 09:48:44 AM
Post by: Lesmond on August 11, 2019, 02:00:13 PM
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Ontario. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident;
I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.
The second surgeon said.. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident;
I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold Medal in track and field events in the Olympics.
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateursâ€. Several years ago a man was high on cocaine and marijuana
and he rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour.
All I had left to work with was the man's blonde hair and the Horse's ass.
I was able to put them together and now he's the President of the U..S.A!"
Post by: Ken on August 11, 2019, 08:12:03 PM
Post by: Ken on August 12, 2019, 10:31:00 AM
Post by: Skhilled on August 13, 2019, 08:50:31 AM
Post by: Ken on August 14, 2019, 07:37:53 AM
Post by: Skhilled on August 14, 2019, 08:46:04 AM
I wish I'd have a big, um, wallet like his. LOL
Post by: Ken on August 14, 2019, 02:39:39 PM
Post by: Ken on August 16, 2019, 04:44:53 AM
Post by: Skhilled on August 16, 2019, 07:40:39 AM
But, I'm not surprised about heading toward a recession. He keeps messing with other countries that have done nothing to us and is alienating the entire world!
Post by: Ken on August 16, 2019, 08:52:14 AM
Post by: Ken on August 16, 2019, 01:57:39 PM
Post by: Lesmond on August 16, 2019, 02:13:38 PM
Post by: Ken on August 16, 2019, 02:15:44 PM
Post by: Lesmond on August 17, 2019, 02:56:16 PM
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends..Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.
He said, 'Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?'
She said 'I love it but I have to stop eating it.'
'Why?' he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said 'Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!'
'Let me see' he said.
'Okay' and she showed him.. He looked and said, 'That's right.You are! Better not eat any more chicken.'
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl,
'I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!' She asked if she could look, so he showed her!
She said, 'Oh, my God, it's too late for you!
You've already got the NECK and GIZZARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Ken on August 17, 2019, 04:54:53 PM
Post by: Ken on August 30, 2019, 04:56:04 PM
Post by: Skhilled on August 30, 2019, 10:14:08 PM
Post by: Lesmond on September 03, 2019, 02:41:43 PM
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.
So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running."
#########################################
A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand.
He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down.
"Is this yours?" he asked.
She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.
On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner.There's plenty; would you like to join me?"
He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?"
The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?"
"No," she replied, "Only those who catch my eye."
#########################################
Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green.
Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap.
Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.
Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop fooling around, we won't bring you next time."
Post by: Ken on September 03, 2019, 04:04:11 PM
Post by: Ken on September 12, 2019, 02:52:49 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/09/12/qo1Ri.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/qo1Ri)
So, after leaving the drive thru today, my wife took her sandwich out of the bag and we see THIS! Seriously? Oh, not today, not today! I went back to the restaurant, went INSIDE (already fuming), asked to speak to the manager, and then threw the sandwich on the counter. I asked him for an explanation. He looked confused, so I pointed at the writing on the sandwich and demanded that he tells me why someone felt the need to write it on my wife’s sandwich.
He answered, "Because you ordered a BLT with cheese?"
To which I replied, "...Oh.'"
Post by: Skhilled on September 13, 2019, 07:23:11 AM
Post by: Ken on September 20, 2019, 11:06:48 AM
Post by: Skhilled on September 22, 2019, 02:47:37 PM
Post by: Skhilled on October 13, 2019, 03:17:10 PM
(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/cc/f0/f7/ccf0f723dd3a3249b339bf96eb3a47ab.jpg)
Post by: Ken on October 13, 2019, 03:20:28 PM
Post by: Ken on October 14, 2019, 11:32:07 AM
Post by: Skhilled on October 16, 2019, 12:02:00 PM
Post by: Ken on November 14, 2019, 01:43:59 AM
Post by: Skhilled on November 14, 2019, 11:15:09 AM
Post by: Skhilled on November 16, 2019, 12:49:39 AM
(https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2014-12/15/13/enhanced/webdr07/enhanced-10505-1418669554-40.jpg?downsize=800:*&output-format=auto&output-quality=auto)
Post by: Skhilled on November 16, 2019, 12:51:42 AM
(https://www.yourtango.com/sites/default/files/styles/header_slider/public/image_blog/selfiequotes.jpg?itok=g7-cRvXn)
Post by: Ken on November 16, 2019, 07:49:18 AM
Post by: Ken on November 19, 2019, 05:23:13 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/11/19/9FjG5.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/9FjG5)
Post by: Ken on November 21, 2019, 09:24:51 PM
Post by: Skhilled on November 23, 2019, 02:18:15 AM
Post by: Ken on November 23, 2019, 08:05:18 AM
Post by: Ken on November 30, 2019, 05:00:58 PM
Post by: Ken on December 05, 2019, 05:10:02 PM
Post by: Ken on December 09, 2019, 03:36:06 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2019/12/09/99OFF.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/99OFF)
Post by: Skhilled on December 10, 2019, 08:22:10 AM
Post by: Ken on December 11, 2019, 08:49:59 AM
Post by: Ken on December 12, 2019, 07:24:25 AM
Post by: Ken on December 13, 2019, 08:52:09 AM
Post by: Skhilled on December 13, 2019, 11:42:42 AM
This was VERY funny but I was REALLY hoping to see something with the girl in the screenshot of the video in it. LMAO :drool: :drool: :drool:
Post by: Ken on December 13, 2019, 12:59:50 PM
Post by: Ken on December 14, 2019, 07:23:58 AM
Quote
Check out this hilariously funny Student Academy Award winning, animated short film called "The Jockstrap Raiders" created by the talented Mark Nelson! The Jockstrap Raiders is a animated short film about a group of misfits during world war I. It takes place in Leeds, England where our heroes are all excluded from the war due to various abnormalities. Threatened by the invading German Kaiser and his army, they must learn to become a team and overcome their deficiencies in order to save Britain, and the world
Post by: Ken on December 15, 2019, 05:29:21 PM
Post by: Skhilled on December 16, 2019, 10:44:03 AM
Post by: Ken on December 24, 2019, 03:17:16 PM
Post by: Skhilled on December 25, 2019, 06:59:00 AM
Post by: Ken on December 31, 2019, 09:12:59 AM
Post by: Skhilled on December 31, 2019, 09:24:01 AM
Post by: Ken on January 05, 2020, 02:29:09 AM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2020/01/05/9A9qy.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/9A9qy)
Post by: Skhilled on January 05, 2020, 07:09:17 AM
Post by: Lesmond on January 05, 2020, 08:07:40 AM
Post by: Skhilled on January 05, 2020, 08:36:09 AM
Post by: Ken on January 05, 2020, 03:05:46 PM
Post by: Ken on January 06, 2020, 11:56:37 AM
Post by: Ken on January 26, 2020, 12:06:28 PM
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!â€. The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
The moral of the story?
If you’re going to have a senior moment… make it memorable.
Post by: Skhilled on January 26, 2020, 04:31:06 PM
Post by: Ken on January 27, 2020, 01:29:10 PM
Post by: Ken on January 27, 2020, 09:59:37 PM
Post by: Ken on January 29, 2020, 04:08:21 PM
Post by: Skhilled on February 01, 2020, 08:00:30 PM
They'll let some of the weirdest people in there but will stalk people of color all around the store as if they're going to steal something. Had it happen to me many times. I've done security and was a bouncer for over 10 years (as a lot of my family does) so I know when I'm being followed. Some of the guards make it very obvious for some reason and is why I don't shop there any more.
Post by: Ken on February 03, 2020, 08:03:56 AM
Post by: Skhilled on February 03, 2020, 09:33:32 AM
Post by: Ken on February 05, 2020, 09:07:38 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2020/02/06/B9eSZ.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/B9eSZ)
Post by: Skhilled on February 06, 2020, 09:52:25 AM
Post by: Ken on February 07, 2020, 08:52:27 PM
Fuck me I thought it was Batman🦇 Turns out it's just a horse 🐴
Post by: Skhilled on February 09, 2020, 07:40:17 AM
Post by: Ken on February 13, 2020, 01:11:29 PM
Post by: Ken on February 14, 2020, 12:40:18 AM
Post by: Ken on February 14, 2020, 11:52:36 AM
Post by: Ken on February 17, 2020, 08:11:07 PM
You may like this
Alabama
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke o' some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry layin' out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one's gonna steal Henry!"
Georgia
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."
Louisiana
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .."
When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."
Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."
Tennessee
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "
***************
Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'bout the South, but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.
Post by: Ken on February 18, 2020, 10:30:42 PM
Post by: Ken on February 21, 2020, 06:17:12 PM
laughing7
Post by: Ken on February 26, 2020, 07:11:20 PM
Post by: Skhilled on February 27, 2020, 08:47:24 AM
But I certainly agree with Virgo! LMAO
Post by: Ken on February 27, 2020, 10:47:34 AM
Post by: Ken on March 18, 2020, 11:10:50 AM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2020/03/18/B28sO.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/B28sO)
Post by: Ken on April 01, 2020, 09:51:48 AM
Post by: Skhilled on April 01, 2020, 09:55:54 AM
Post by: Ken on April 06, 2020, 01:35:11 PM
Post by: Ken on April 28, 2020, 03:13:56 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2020/04/28/NPArg.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/NPArg)
Post by: Skhilled on April 29, 2020, 07:49:30 AM
Post by: Ken on May 08, 2020, 03:06:22 PM
Post by: Ken on June 15, 2020, 12:17:44 AM
:2funny:
(https://tinypix.top/images/2020/06/15/NzPMo.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/NzPMo)
Post by: Skhilled on June 15, 2020, 08:54:24 AM
Post by: Ken on July 01, 2020, 02:41:04 PM
RedNeck Foreplay!
Post by: Ken on July 02, 2020, 11:12:15 AM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2020/07/02/NCBPN.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/NCBPN)
Quote
Fuck pride Mfckas need to have a #BBW Parade 😻💦🔥stl got some Big fine thanksgiving plate lookn Mfckas
Post by: Skhilled on July 03, 2020, 02:14:29 PM
She is beautiful, tho. :happy1:
Post by: Ken on July 03, 2020, 03:43:35 PM
Oh... and she be so purdy cause she takes after her grandpa. :hah!:
Post by: Ken on July 04, 2020, 06:22:50 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2020/07/04/NHjgZ.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/NHjgZ)
Post by: Skhilled on July 04, 2020, 08:25:07 PM
Post by: Ken on July 04, 2020, 08:28:06 PM
Welcome to the club, babe! LOL
laughing7
Post by: Ken on July 06, 2020, 05:47:51 AM
Post by: Ken on July 11, 2020, 02:50:24 PM
Post by: Ken on July 13, 2020, 01:38:04 PM
Post by: Ken on July 17, 2020, 04:36:47 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2020/07/17/PGnUX.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/PGnUX)
Post by: Skhilled on July 17, 2020, 07:49:46 PM
Post by: Ken on July 17, 2020, 08:42:47 PM
https://www.ourfamilyforum.org/FamilyForum/index.php?page=208
Post by: Skhilled on July 17, 2020, 08:56:01 PM
Post by: Ken on July 17, 2020, 09:00:16 PM
LOL, me thinks you are VERY bored! LOL
Wait! What! But it's only one day one into the recovery period! shocked003
Post by: Ken on July 18, 2020, 01:20:19 PM
Post by: Ken on July 19, 2020, 09:50:25 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2020/07/20/PaibS.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/PaibS)
Post by: Ken on July 27, 2020, 01:38:36 PM
Post by: Ken on July 29, 2020, 05:34:12 AM
Post by: Ken on August 04, 2020, 02:30:08 PM
... as seen on Twitter.
Quote
In Britain, a squirrel once got its head stuck inside a Halloween mask and ran around terrifying an entire neighborhood.
Post by: Skhilled on August 07, 2020, 09:25:11 AM
Post by: Ken on August 13, 2020, 12:38:02 PM
Post by: Skhilled on August 15, 2020, 09:08:08 AM
Post by: Ken on August 15, 2020, 09:05:47 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2020/08/16/P4ODL.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/P4ODL)
Post by: Ken on August 30, 2020, 02:51:00 PM
Post by: Skhilled on August 30, 2020, 02:59:20 PM
Post by: Ken on August 30, 2020, 03:22:38 PM
Looks like something my brother would do...he's black. LMAO
Err... OK... no shit, me woulda never picked up on that detail! laughing7
j/k... that opening was just too good to pass up.
Post by: Skhilled on August 30, 2020, 03:28:19 PM
I remember being in the back seat of one of their cars and the had strings tied to the windshield wipes cause they were broken. The worked in tandem pulling the wipers back and forth while driving so they could see where they were going! LOL
Post by: Ken on August 30, 2020, 03:49:37 PM
Post by: Ken on September 02, 2020, 11:59:33 AM
Post by: Lesmond on September 03, 2020, 01:34:33 PM
Post by: Ken on September 03, 2020, 01:44:05 PM
Post by: Ken on September 18, 2020, 04:48:19 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2020/09/18/P64XT.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/P64XT)
Post by: Skhilled on September 19, 2020, 11:15:32 AM
Alot of people would be suing you for structual damage to their properties! LMAO
Post by: Ken on September 19, 2020, 03:16:36 PM
Post by: Skhilled on September 20, 2020, 10:18:46 AM
Post by: Ken on September 30, 2020, 05:50:42 PM
Quote
Quote
I heard that for the 2nd debate they are just going to meet in the Wal-mart parking lot and fist fight.
Quote
Except these two made more sense than the jokers last night
Post by: Ken on October 02, 2020, 11:19:24 AM
Post by: Skhilled on October 03, 2020, 03:04:38 AM
Post by: Ken on October 12, 2020, 04:21:45 PM
Wichita Home Depot Bomb Threat
Post by: Ken on October 16, 2020, 05:21:19 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2020/10/16/PTqJS.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/PTqJS)
Post by: Ken on October 16, 2020, 05:32:37 PM
Post by: Ken on October 18, 2020, 08:58:55 AM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2020/10/18/Pl1Rr.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/Pl1Rr)
Post by: Ken on December 01, 2020, 12:23:40 PM
Post by: Ken on January 13, 2021, 08:17:52 AM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2021/01/13/Zm72H.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/Zm72H)
Post by: Skhilled on January 13, 2021, 08:21:31 AM
Post by: Ken on January 22, 2021, 10:24:51 PM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2021/01/23/ZDDBi.md.jpg) (https://tinypix.top/i/ZDDBi)
Post by: Skhilled on January 23, 2021, 06:01:42 AM
Post by: Ken on January 29, 2021, 05:35:16 AM
Post by: Ken on February 02, 2021, 01:04:29 PM
Grandmas Questions for her Lesbian Granddaughter
Post by: Ken on February 23, 2021, 06:47:23 PM
Post by: Ken on February 28, 2021, 10:23:36 AM
Post by: Ken on March 22, 2021, 09:49:49 PM
Post by: Skhilled on March 23, 2021, 10:45:19 AM
Post by: Ken on March 25, 2021, 06:54:04 AM
Post by: Skhilled on March 25, 2021, 11:01:05 AM
Post by: Ken on May 06, 2021, 03:23:13 PM
When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a bold proposal;
- Whoever dares to jump, swim to the coast and survive, I'll give you $ 1 million.
No one dared to move, suddenly, a man jumped into the water and desperately swam to the shore while being chased by all the crocodiles.
With enormous luck came, taking everyone's admiration at the scene, then the owner announced;
- We have a brave winner.
After collecting his reward, the couple returned to the hotel, upon arrival, the manager told him; he was very brave to jump, then the man said;
- I didn't jump, someone pushed me!
His wife smiled...
Moral: ′′ Behind every successful man, there's a woman who pushes him "...
Post by: Skhilled on May 07, 2021, 09:07:05 AM
Post by: Ken on June 09, 2021, 05:54:36 AM
Post by: Skhilled on July 05, 2021, 11:10:10 AM
Post by: Ken on July 06, 2021, 09:26:54 PM
Post by: Skhilled on July 07, 2021, 07:27:26 AM
Post by: Lesmond on July 07, 2021, 04:49:16 PM
The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual… emasculation of black people in a predominately white, patriarchal society. “In factâ€, he said, “some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary societyâ€.
After the curator left, an Aussie approached the couple and said,
“Would you like to know what the painting is really about?â€
“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the galleryâ€, asked the couple?
“Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,†he replied. “In fact, there are no black persons depicted at all. They’re just
three Aussie coal miners.
The guy in the middle went home for lunch.†;D :P
Post by: Ken on July 10, 2021, 07:12:16 AM
Post by: Lesmond on July 10, 2021, 07:42:43 AM
Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full. He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.
Ma says, "Why don't you go ask the young'n down the road? He must be smart 'cause he's a college gradjyate." So Pa drives down to the neighbor's house and asks him, "Mr. College gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it."
The young'n tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it's in the air the second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole."
Pa thanks the neighbor, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. He goes home and puts them under the outhouse. He then lights them and runs behind a tree.
All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite, shooting the outhouse into the air. BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite, spreading poop all over the farm. Then, WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole.
Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, "Ma, are you all right?"
As she pulls up her panties she says, "Yeah, but I'm sure glad I didn't fart in the kitchen!"😂😂
Post by: Ken on July 10, 2021, 09:41:22 AM
Post by: Ken on July 10, 2021, 09:42:23 AM
Post by: Lesmond on July 12, 2021, 10:05:18 AM
(https://tinypix.top/images/2021/07/12/iziep.png)
(https://tinypix.top/images/2021/07/12/izZHT.jpg)
Post by: Skhilled on July 12, 2021, 10:51:43 AM
Post by: Ken on July 12, 2021, 04:12:57 PM
Post by: Lesmond on July 17, 2021, 06:19:23 PM
by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'
'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.'
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's Show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.
Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone laugh. :2funny:
Post by: Ken on July 18, 2021, 02:40:58 PM
Post by: Skhilled on July 20, 2021, 09:16:46 AM
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.'
That was the best part. LMAO
Post by: Ken on July 22, 2021, 05:53:23 AM
Post by: Ken on July 25, 2021, 09:31:26 AM
Post by: Skhilled on July 26, 2021, 11:22:07 AM
Post by: Ken on July 26, 2021, 04:21:42 PM
And people wonder why I never married! LMAOshocked003 :hah!:
Post by: Ken on July 29, 2021, 08:01:51 PM
Post by: Skhilled on July 30, 2021, 11:23:00 AM
Post by: Ken on July 30, 2021, 10:25:12 PM
I wonder how catnip works on humans? I may need some or need to give some to a few other people. LMAOHa! :hah!:
Post by: Ken on August 03, 2021, 04:25:52 AM
Post by: Ken on September 17, 2021, 01:36:40 AM
Nicki Minaj Vaccine
Post by: Ken on December 01, 2021, 01:47:56 PM
Post by: Ken on December 20, 2021, 06:30:01 PM
Post by: Skhilled on December 21, 2021, 09:34:15 AM
Post by: Ken on December 24, 2021, 07:06:35 AM
Post by: Ken on December 24, 2021, 04:16:19 PM
Post by: Scrubmeister on December 25, 2021, 07:44:32 AM
Post by: Ken on January 01, 2022, 03:07:52 AM
Post by: Skhilled on January 01, 2022, 10:02:39 AM
Post by: Ken on January 22, 2022, 03:53:44 PM
Post by: Ken on January 22, 2022, 03:55:35 PM
Post by: Skhilled on January 22, 2022, 06:06:19 PM
Post by: Ken on January 26, 2022, 07:00:02 AM
Post by: Skhilled on January 27, 2022, 10:59:41 AM
Post by: Skhilled on January 28, 2022, 10:38:07 PM
https://twitter.com/i/status/1486977308640837633
Post by: Ken on January 29, 2022, 02:54:57 AM
Post by: Skhilled on January 29, 2022, 06:36:00 AM
Post by: Ken on February 21, 2022, 02:24:04 PM
Post by: Ken on February 25, 2022, 04:31:29 PM
Post by: Skhilled on March 21, 2022, 05:13:40 PM
Post by: Ken on May 02, 2022, 06:09:12 PM
Post by: Skhilled on May 04, 2022, 11:35:29 AM
Post by: Ken on May 27, 2022, 04:45:02 AM
Post by: Scrubmeister on May 27, 2022, 07:20:22 AM
Post by: Skhilled on May 27, 2022, 08:02:41 AM
Post by: Ken on June 07, 2022, 05:19:02 PM
Post by: Ken on July 04, 2022, 11:14:11 AM
Post by: Ken on July 04, 2022, 11:23:35 AM
Post by: Skhilled on July 05, 2022, 08:32:33 AM
The worst drag race I ever been to
"So I took the kids to Hooters!" LMAO
Post by: Ken on July 11, 2022, 02:55:50 PM
Post by: Ken on April 13, 2023, 06:06:49 AM
Get to Know Me....According to TRID! | Sheena Melwani
Post by: Skhilled on April 19, 2023, 07:13:39 PM
When they return, they tell the President that they have bad news and even worse news. The bad news is that it’s Vice President Pence’s urine. This infuriates the President, who then asks what could be worse than that.
The Secret Service informs them that it’s Melania’s handwriting.
Post by: Ken on April 20, 2023, 10:35:43 AM
President Trump awakens one Winter morning to discover someone has peed “Impeach Trump” in the snow. He calls the Secret Service to investigate.laughing7
When they return, they tell the President that they have bad news and even worse news. The bad news is that it’s Vice President Pence’s urine. This infuriates the President, who then asks what could be worse than that.
The Secret Service informs them that it’s Melania’s handwriting.
Post by: Skhilled on July 06, 2023, 10:02:42 PM
Post by: Skhilled on July 06, 2023, 10:06:21 PM
Post by: Ken on August 21, 2023, 09:57:56 AM
Post by: Skhilled on August 21, 2023, 08:05:44 PM
Post by: Skhilled on September 22, 2023, 08:50:06 PM
Post by: Ken on October 14, 2023, 02:28:05 PM
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Ls6--7ZIBzQ
Post by: Skhilled on October 14, 2023, 08:09:36 PM
Post by: Ken on October 15, 2023, 01:29:27 PM
Post by: Skhilled on October 15, 2023, 08:13:35 PM
Post by: Ken on October 23, 2023, 08:37:02 PM
The demise of Bambi’s mother, the bear fight from The Fox and The Hound, and Mufasa plummeting into a stampede in The Lion King are among some of the most traumatizing moments in the history of kids’ animated feature films. Yet, none of those moments hold a candle to Watership Down, a movie about murder bunnies that has, supposedly, scarred an entire generation. And, when you watch the film today, there’s definitely some truth to what many people will tell you about what they remember. The refrain you’ll hear most often is the notion that Watership Down was a trap: It looked like a cutesy kids movie, but then, the blood started flowing.
Watership Down (1978) Official Trailer - John Hurt Movie
Now I know why I turned out to be so effeed up!
Yes, I do know that watching cartoon's when you are in your late 30's is not the most manly
thing to do, so I watched cartoons with my Kids..
You can find the whole story here. (https://www.fatherly.com/entertainment/watership-down-retrospective-kids-and-family)
Post by: Skhilled on October 23, 2023, 09:26:06 PM
Post by: Ken on December 06, 2023, 03:06:22 PM
Post by: Skhilled on December 06, 2023, 08:07:53 PM
Post by: Ken on December 10, 2023, 08:21:38 PM
Post by: Skhilled on December 11, 2023, 09:10:41 PM
Post by: Ken on December 31, 2023, 12:54:20 PM
Post by: Ken on March 10, 2024, 09:37:55 PM
Post by: Ken on June 20, 2024, 09:18:59 PM
... yes, these two are related, you can pick up on the relationship during the close of Steven's monolog. laughing7
Sir Mix-A-Lot - Baby Got Back (Official Music Video)